You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Drunk is not a location!
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
