wakey wakey hands off snakey
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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