if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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