I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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