I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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