That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
