I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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