The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize