Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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