do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
