Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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