Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
