i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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