she looked like the bat from fern gully.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
