You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
should my penis look like a turkey
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Randomize
