Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
So here I am, sexting at work.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
