i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
