everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Randomize
