I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
