walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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