One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
