How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Where is the hickey?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize