Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
