i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
