You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
