put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
