Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
