Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
