Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
