oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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