I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Randomize
