i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I FOUND THE LEGS
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
