The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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