I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
