I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
