Sponge bath it is.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
