grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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