I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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