I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
