You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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