Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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