I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
