I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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