wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
