this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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