There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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