This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
