did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
