WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
