i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I forgot how hot balto sounded
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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