he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Randomize
