cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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