They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize