I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
