bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
