I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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