It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
