I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
