remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
