I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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