Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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